When To Say I Love You!
“Timing and ranking are of no concern—depth and flourishing are what count.” Aaron Ben-Zeev Ph.D.
I’m going to start this first paragraph by writing something incredibly stupid, accidental, and hilarious… Yes! This is a story about me and a recent date I had this past weekend. So enjoy!
kkmmmm! (clearing throat!)
Well, it all started with a guy I went on a date with (it was about our 4th or 5th time out). All was well during the date, he took me out to a restaurant called Lurcat, that had a great ambiance, I absolutely loved it! We sat outside in a beautiful patio area were the tree trunks were lit with decorative lights, candles at the table, comfortable chairs, the whole nine yards… We sat and talked for hours eating great tasting food (and yes I had dessert, mmmm Sorbet!) Well we weren’t quite ready to call it quits after the restaurant, so we went on a walk along Lake of the Isles. As we were spending our time talking and walking, and then sitting AND then getting bitten by those pesky mosquitoes I looked at the time and oh my goodness time flew and I had to go home.
Well, He drove me home and as we were saying good bye this is what happened…
Eloise: ‘Well, it was fun, like always… thank you for a great night and see you again soon… good bye, I love YOUUUUU-NOOOOOOOOO! (yes I literally turned the you into a noooo as I had a look of terror on my face…) I did NOT mean to say this people, waaaayyy too soon!
The Guy (who I shall remain nameless): starts laughing…
Eloise: (laughing hysterically) and soon to pause and explain… ‘Oh my gosh! I’m used to saying I love you to my kids when I say good bye to them all the time!’ I didn’t mean it!’ I then pretend to have a computer in front of me pressing the delete button AND saying ‘delete, delete, delete… it’s not working!’ (laughing at how this actually happened to me… this is only suppose to happen in the movies people!)
The guy: ‘That was awesome!’ (continuing to laugh) ‘I know what you’re saying… it almost happened to me once.’
Eloise: (laughing) ‘So you’re not running for the hills?’
(both laughing) as I open the car door I turn back to say… ‘okay, good bye… ummmm, and try not to remember this, just forget it ever happened.’
Him: Why? No!
Eloise: I step out and see he has opened his door. ‘whatcha doing?’ I say with a big grin.
Him: ‘I’m walking you to your door, incase you want to say it again.’ (me giggling as he has a big grin.)
It was harmless (thank goodness he doesn’t scare easily!). He DID text me when he got home, and the next day to plan another time to meet and to see how the day was… So no damage done! ~wink~ (wiping forehead with relief!)
So When To Say The Three Special Words To The Other?!
The guidelines from Aaron Ben-Zeev Ph.D.
- Go on at least five dates. (and even so, that’s very early).
- Say it only after two months.
- Don’t wait too long.
- Wait until you’re absolutely bursting.
- Do not do it before, after, or during sex.
- Don’t say it when you’re very emotional and cannot think rationally.
- Don’t say it when you want to reward your partner for something.
- Never say it first, and don’t echo it back until you’ve spent some extended time together.
- (This sentence comes from my father!) You know you love someone when you’ve shared anger and you still want to stick around to make it work. ‘Eloise, anyone can have sex and date a person for a while, therefore it’s not always intimate or an act with love, but to feel mad towards a person you’re dating and making the decision to work it out instead of fleeing is a good indication that you are starting to love them. (which IS true to a certain extent! So share those mad feelings first to see how you feel during and after the math before saying ‘I love you.’)
And even with these guidelines Aaron Ben-Zeev PhD says there’s no precise answer/timing when it comes to saying ‘I love you!’
Fun Facts Of Saying ‘I Love You’ (which I found interesting & Amusing!)
There are indications that gender differences play a part: Men tend to confess love earlier than women, and are happier than women when receiving confessions of love from a partner (Ackerman, et al., 2011). According to a survey, men take an average of 88 days to tell a partner “I love you,” compared to a woman’s 134. Moreover, 39 percent of men say “I love you” within the first month of dating someone, compared to just 23 percent of women. Ackerman, J. M., Griskevicius, V. & Li, N. (2011). Let’s get serious: Communicating commitment in romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100, 1079-1094. What do you guys think about those facts?
And that is all I have for you today on this beautiful feeling of LOVE! Feel free to comment below on your experience with saying I love you! Maybe you have had a similar experience as ME! HA!
Take care readers!
photo 1 by: superwall.us
photo 2 by: aliexpress.com