Mom,Dad… Make Room, I’m Moving Back In!
Not So Abnormal Now
Ahhhh, the empty nest lifestyle… You’re kids have moved out in search of their own life, taking care of business. You’re free to roam freely naked whenever you please, you’re free to cook a small meal just for you and the way YOU like it, you’re free to sit in quietness and read Eloise’s awesome posts without interruption… When out of the blue your phone rings ‘Hello’… ‘Hi mom/dad, well, I can’t afford LIFE anymore, too much has happened soooo I need to move back home.’ (student loans, internships, inflation, loss of job, medical bills from almost dying, divorce with kids, you know life’s kick you in your pants moments)… ‘Oh, okay honey, you know you’re always welcome back home.’ Click and an hour later the moving process begins… ‘thanks folks!’
So you’re both in a crunch, you’re no longer going to prance around naked, but at the same time you’re excited to have your kid back home to bond with. (ohhh, the conversations we’ll have, the movie nights, the… well you get the picture!) Although I must warn you, this kid of yours is your adult-kid now and so things will be a little different for both sides… How do you go about living together in harmony? What are the ground rules? How can you make this happen without stepping on toes and prevent nagging, annoyances, and invasion of privacy? All great answers I’d love to help you with…
As a parent you may be thinking ‘this will never happen to me, I don’t need this information’… BUT this is becoming more and more the norm these days as it’s becoming a more difficult society with higher demands… it COULD very well happen to YOU!
How To Make It Work!
- First off, know you will always be parent and offspring, BUT when it comes to living with your Adult-kid in your home, it can not be treated that way. It now becomes a somewhat ‘roommate’ living situation, meaning a ‘mutual consideration’ situation. Everyone does their own laundry (as roommates would!), No barging into rooms uninvited (like roommates), give advice when asked for, and clean up after yourself that kind of roommate lifestyle.
- Treat this as a temporary thing. You all will not be living together forever, this is just to give support to your offspring and get them back on their feet. This will help both sides when feeling trapped. (The parents wanting their home back and the adult-kid wanting their independence back!)
- Set the BIG ground rules like No sleepovers! Here’s an example: Yes, I am living with my folks with my children (after my recent divorce, and a big portion of my money going to medical expenses due to my near death experience I had that keeps me going to the Doctors, AND starting my life over)… well, the 1st rule said to me by my father was ‘Eloise, the sleepover rule kind of went out the window with your younger brother, but it’s coming back now that you’re here… no sleepovers and boinking in the house…’ Quote on Quote… ‘fine’ I said chuckling as he just said boink (new phrase for sex, funny!)… then I proceeded to say… ‘but I must say that’s not fair that BOTH of my brothers got away with this rule and now that I am here it is a firm NO, I can’t help but to think it’s because I’m the girl of the siblings.’ Then I thought to myself, I’ll just wait until my folks go on vacations and the kids are at their fathers to boink and be held all night by a special man, AND best of all ‘no one will know’…mwah haha! (just kidding my lovely parents.. or am I?! ~wink~) Other big ground rules could be pitching in with buying groceries, replenishing items you use up, no smoking in the house (if you’re a smoker), that kind of thing.
- Parents that now have a live-in house sitter can go on vacations without worrying about finding dog-sitters, house sitters, someone to collect the mail, etc… (this will help when you feel trapped or you feel like you have less ME-time and need to get out!)
- Rent is not the best option while I know you feel it builds responsibility, Linda Perlman Gordon, a psychotherapist Chevy Chase Maryland and author of ‘Mom, Can I Move Back in with You?’ says to remember why they’re living with you to begin with (to save money) and you will only prolong your temporary situation by asking for their money. What you CAN do instead is to put them to work, have them do odd jobs that need to get done around the house (like me scraping, sanding, and painting my parents kitchen cabinets). If you do insist in collecting rent so they learn or keep habit of budgeting then Gordon suggests to put that money into a savings account and give it back to them when they move out.
Overall in this part of life enjoy the heck out of having a full house, that’s what makes a house feel like a home to begin with (the people in it!) Join an activity together, DO make a movie night together, have fun eating together in good conversation, go on walks together, just soak in the time you have together to bond because it’s all temporary.
Take care readers
photo 1 by: delfi.it
photo 2 by: quickmeme.com