Grieving Stages After Divorce
The good old grieving process of Divorce, it’s a real roller coaster ride, don’t you think? There are many of us out there who have been divorced and sadly more to come. It’s hard to swallow when you’re in the midst of the grieving stages and you wish you would scoot past them in record time, but that’s not how it works… So how does it work you ask? Well, like grieving for any death or loss the stages are the same, you may not go about them in order, you may skip a step in the process (lucky you!), but no matter what a significant loss of any kind brings you to the wonderful, up and down ride of your life… let’s dive into this Grieving process.
The Stages Of Crazy Emotions
- Denial (also: numbness and shock in this stage): you’re feeling like you’re in auto-drive, just going through life as if nothing major happened, just keeping yourself busy with the long to do list, getting things done (take advantage of this stage to get as much done as possible, because in a little bit you’re going to be crying like a baby!) OR, even better, this phase will trick you to think ‘hey, I’m okay with this, glad I severed the tie from that crazy person… should have done this years ago, I’m already over this divorce, I’ve moved on, come on and celebrate!’ Little do you know this stage that serves to protect you from experiencing the intensity of the loss INITIALLY has other intentions… to slow you down and slap you in the face with hurt… wait for it…
- Anger: Oh damn! watch out everybody, it’s bashing, blaming, and pointing the finger time… ‘It’s because of you that I’m getting divorced, that I’ve been unhappy for so long, that I’ve got a to do list a mile long and I’m overwhelmed to the point of no return.’ blah, blah, point point, shake your head, stomp your foot, break something… (I hope you get over this phase quick, and everyone around you does too!) Know that Anger stems from hurt, so the moment you realize and accept that you’re hurting, and even feeling powerless, is the moment you can work past this phase. Remember people love you and even as pissed off as you are, life has hidden blessings even in the worst of times, keep your eyes open and stop your tantrum sooner than later so you don’t miss out on the good!
- Bargaining: This stage may involve persistent thoughts about what could have been done to prevent the loss. People can become preoccupied about ways that things could have been better. If this stage is not properly resolved, intense feelings of remorse or guilt may interfere with the healing process. WebMD. What could I have done differently to make this marriage last? Did I make the right choice with the divorce? Maybe my Ex wasn’t so bad, I miss him/her… It’s the last attempt when coming to terms with your divorce.
- Depression: During this phase a person may feel lonely, empty, isolated, and self-pity (yay, this ought to be fun!). If crying people make you uncomfortable, you’re not going to like what’s coming… This is chick flick movie bingeing time, get out that low-calorie popcorn, pop in ‘You’ve Got Mail’ then ‘While you Were Sleeping’ then ‘Love & Basketball,’ Sleepless in Seattle’ and any other favorite emotional movie, make a week of it! This phase makes you feel ridiculous, you’re okay one minute and the next you’re trying to hold back tears, then go hide under the covers and ball your pretty swollen eyes out. I have to admit, I’m at this phase in my post-divorce starting as of yesterday, it just hit me like a frying pan in the face, damn, this sucks! Yesterday, I went to my Ex’s new house to drop off the kids and don’t get me wrong I’m happy for him, but for some reason it was really emotional for me to see his house for him and the kids. I’m not sure if it made it more official, like crap this is really taking place, or if it was seeing the kids and him in their own life without me that made me want to vomit by how pathetically saddening I felt that I cried driving home… I can only hope that I’m not like this for long, not only is it sappy but putting on a fake smile for my kids and family/friends is exhausting, not to mention being highly emotional is exhausting in its self… so please, during this phase, do NOT ask me how I’m doing, because you will see watery eyes as I try not to cry and wipe my runny nose all over your nice shirt. Thank goodness my way of dealing with hard times is writing, this post I’m writing at this very moment is therapeutic for me! Although, I wish I had a dog right now to snuggle up with… dogs are great! (find what works for you and practice it A LOT!)
- Acceptance: This phase in grieving is a favorite (I think it’s safe to say, I can speak for all on this matter?!) This is the part you’ve been waiting to reach… you’ve gotten over that pathetic depression phase and you now feel like running all around the country like Forrest Gump, You’ve won Gold in the Olympics, you’ve laughed your victorious laugh ‘Mwah ha-ha’ Life is good now… Your healing process will continue to get better and stronger… AND some day you will be ready to move on and meet a new special somebody that makes you want to say ‘How YOU doin?!’
Sorry if this is cold-hearted, but it’s funny too! (trying to lighten up the mood here!~ made me laugh)
…And one more funny one! holy crap that was good!
Note to self: Remember, throughout a person’s lifetime, he or she may return to some of the earlier stages of grief (NOOOOOO!). There is no time limit to the grieving process. Each individual should define his or her own healing process. WebMD. DOH!
Take care of yourself during any kind of grief, know you are not alone, and get the help you need if it persists too long… and if you are grieving at this very moment in time, I am sending you a hug right now!
1st photo by: divorcesupport.about.com
Last photo by: ebay.com